Hi friends.... it's been a while... like 7 years.... sorry.
I'm extremely non-committal when it comes to online stuff like blogs, social media, ect. I'm just kind of a private person & I don't like putting myself out there to the world. I am also a HUGE introvert, and all of this combined makes me terrible at all online communication.
I'm writing again for a few reasons. One, I think I just need an outlet right now. Things are crazy... this COVID-19 pandemic is really throwing everyone for a loop. If the virus doesn't kill us, all of the chaos that comes with it might. (I'm currently laughing because that is what I do in difficult situations to cope with life). Another reason I'm writing is that I do feel that it is important to document or journal your life in times like these. I am terrible at actually writing in a journal with actual paper and pen. I know I won't do it. But typing on the computer seems easier, so this is where I've decided to journal my life.
I might decide to not even tell anyone that I am blogging again, so I can still keep my life and thoughts to myself, while still getting out of this blog what I want to get out of it. On one hand, that sentence feels very selfish, to just keep things to myself & not share anything with anyone. On the other hand, who am I to feel that anything I think, feel, or say would or should matter to anyone else? No one is asking for my advice & I have no business giving it out to the masses if it isn't wanted.
Tonight I'm writing about a lesson I am learning as a mom that is a hard lesson for me to wrap my head around. I know what I should do in this situation, it's just painful learning lessons like this, and actually doing what is best in the end for everyone.
Here's what's going on.... we have been quarantined for a few weeks now. I think it's been around 2.5 weeks, but I'm not 100% sure. I'm already losing track of time, and my days are all running together. For the first week or so we did okay. My kids, for the most part, didn't mind staying home. Most of us are introverts, so this wasn't that hard. We are doing pretty good at the home school thing. My middle child is struggling the most with focus & motivation. But I think we have her somewhat back on track. Anyways, the past few days we have hit that wall. The ship is sinking and we are all going down with it. People are moody, edgy, and fighting pretty consistently. Today I do feel was a breaking point, and my youngest child even said (after stomping off to his room declaring he hated having to be stuck in this house with his family all of the time) that he didn't' think he would survive the quarantine. That this is too hard (I know buddy, I know).
My middle child cried on and off all day today. She is my laid back, happy, relaxed child and she can't handle it either. She is the most social one out of all of us. She loves her friends, she loves her teachers, she loves getting out of the house. She is an extrovert, living in a house mostly full of introverts. She is really getting beat up by life right now.
I don't know about everyone else, but I am that mom that gets a lot of anxiety when my kids are unhappy. I get stuck in this rut thinking that I need to do something to make them happy again. I need to fix all of their emotions. Logically I know that these feelings and emotions are perfectly fine and normal. But there is something in my brain that flips a switch and puts me in panic mode until I can see them smiling & laughing again. I will work at making them happy until I'm sure I hit the point of becoming too annoying to be around.
As I laid down with my son on his bed tonight, helping him calm down from his meltdown, it hit me. I need to stop trying to fix their emotions. They need to fully feel what they are feeling and deal with it. They need to learn to handle all of the emotions coming their way without someone (me) coming in to try and fix everything. They need to know that it's okay to just "sit and be" in those emotions, and not try and dismiss them as soon as possible. If you are sad, then acknowledge it, feel it, and let it move on. We need to do this for every emotion! Frustration, anger, exhaustion, grief, ect. Whatever it is they, or we, are feeling, we need to just let it happen. I think that by always trying to change how they feel, I am causing them to feel a lot of shame. I'm making my home a place that isn't safe to feel anything but happy and okay. This realization feels like a huge weight sitting right on my chest. It makes it hard to breathe.
I need to learn to be the mom that will just sit with them in whatever feelings they are experiencing right then & not make them feel shame or anxiety for how they are feeling. I need to be fully accepting of them in these moments which = letting them feel how they want or need to, feel without my anxiety taking over and trying to change them.
This also means that I am going to have to "sit and be" when it comes to my anxiety. I can't deal with it or dismiss it as soon as possible either as I have been doing. This whole mess has been all about me up until tonight. I have been a huge contributor to this problem by letting my anxiety control me. I have been acting out of fear and panic, and that needs to stop. This feels too hard as well.
So I laid with my son in his bed and I didn't try to make him laugh, I didn't try to change the subject, or tell him all of the reasons he has to be grateful or happy. I just agreed with him. I said that I knew that this was really hard and that it does feel like it will never end sometimes. We talked about how he was feeling and we gave his emotion a name... Frustration!! He's frustrated because he can't really leave the house. He can't see his friends. He's stuck with his sisters ALL DAY LONG.
Name the emotion!! It takes all of the power away from it. It's no longer this enemy that is lurking in the dark & you have no idea what you are supposed to be fighting. Once you name it, you can take control. It feels less scary and overwhelming. You can stop being afraid. You can come up with a game plan to beat it when you know what you are up against.
This week's game plan... to "sit and be" in our emotions. As uncomfortable as this is going to be, I'm hopeful we will all come out on the other side of this quarantine a little more emotionally mature, and with a little more compassion for our neighbors and friends.
Friends, stay safe. Recognize, name, and feel all of your emotions. You've got this!
-Just Jess
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